Escalating again.

Background: I have gone no contact before. Try to limit frequency and length of interactions and always bring my partner along who helps to buffer. Nmom who is almost 70 lives in the same town as me, 27F. We lost my dad to cancer when I was 8, so add her identity as a widow to the weight of the guilt tripping. She has not remarried.

My brother is 32 and a very newly recovering alcoholic. I know many of us have seen alcoholism in the household, so I don’t need to go into detail about the trauma. He is the golden child and my mother makes me responsible for his feelings, as if me texting him (or not) causes or cures his ill moods. He got the stomach flu over what feels to be the first Christmas with him sober in my recent memory.

Of course, him getting sick made my mother wail and hysterical over the fact that “her” family couldn’t be together over Christmas since I had to leave the house to avoid getting the virus. We had a lovely two days before he was sick, and I have had a cordial correspondence with my brother in the 3 months of his commitment to working the program. He knows he has a lot of work to do for himself before we are buddy-buddy, since this has never been the nature of our relationship due to his drinking.

Her favorite thing to blame for my reactions and emotions is my fucking medication, which is so infuriating and sickening. She knows this.

I guess since I don’t have another sibling who can see the dynamic clearly, I am looking for some insight and tips to navigate. Thank you to anyone who has read this far! ❤️