Anxiety ruining parenthood

My anxiety is through the roof. My baby gets to come home possibly Monday or Tuesday and just needs to drink 1 more 45-55ml bottle and I can’t help but to overthink and am terrified of him not drinking that much, it feels like the NICU has ruined motherhood for me. All I do is worry and my depression is through the roof as the hospital visits are tiring but the guilt of not seeing my baby is overwhelming.