She(22f) cheated but feels like I(18f) lead her on?

Today my emotions have been all over the place due to the election, relationship issues and other things.

Speaking to my therapist at my breaking point finally prompted me to have a genuine conversation with my girlfriend about where I’m at in our relationship. So I told her I wanted to start over because I feel our relationship isn’t healthy and I don’t feel loved or valued at this point and I feel like I’m putting so much effort into something that just keeps ending up with me hurt.

For context I recently found out she’s been cheating on me throughout our entire relationship while I was already putting more into our relationship than she was. I tried to get over it as much as I could for the sake of our relationship but that along with the way she sometimes treats and disrespects me makes it hard. Last week I stayed over her place and left early because we got into an argument about a conversation she saw in my phone that I had with one of the many girls she cheated with. She was upset that I laughed with the girl as the girl made fun of her. I know that hurts but this took place when she told me she cheated on me, to kill myself and cut myself and threatened to beat my face in, so I wasn’t thinking about how laughing with the girl would make her feel because we weren’t even on good terms at that point. I was trying to explain to her that of course I did it may be wrong but she said so much worse to me deliberately trying to hurt me but I got over that for her and our relationship but now she wanted to use me laughing at what the girl said about her against me? We went back and forth on it and she treated me cold throwing my clothes at me and trying to kick me out, I felt dehumanized, she texted my friend to tell her to hook up with me and I texted my friend to ignore her. Then my gf said she wants to fight me and I brushed it off and told her I don’t care as I was still texting my friend. Then I heard her walking up behind me still talking about fighting, telling me to come on and I honestly felt scared Ive never rlly fought before and she’s stronger than me and has been in many fights before. Then all I saw was her hand coming towards me and I smacked it away, she kept trying to grab me and I started to cry as I was pushing and kicking her away from me.

Because of these events and everything that’s been happening in our relationship I felt it necessary to have a conversation with her about where Im at with it as I suspected she planned on proposing which I would’ve loved back then but now I just feel like we need to start over because I don’t even want that anymore and constantly questioning her love for me. She’s upset but understands that I feel this way but she feels I lead her on because we had sex and “I pretended everything was cool” even though I never did and constantly explained my issues to the point she got irritated…. did I really lead her on?