(60M/48M)

UPDATE: I ended up dumping him. As it got closer to my self imposed deadline he slowed down on his communications and even ghosted me. I did extend the deadline and then days later realized I was playing into his game and then just freaking ended it with a message to him. As most of you may have or had guessed, I got no reply. Radio Silence. I feel stupid bc I was feeling the scam but my lonliness took over and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. So once again I am single and miserable. Thanks to all the guys who were sincere in their replies to me! I sincerely appreciate them. There were a lot of smart a...es too, but I have learned to accept that from some Reddit users. Anyway....I thought I owed you all an UPDATE to my post. Love you all!

Asking for your advice guys? (Thanks ahead of time for reading and responding! But Sorry for the long explanation) Since I just found this sub r/LongDistance, I wanted to ask for you guys advice.

Situation:

BF works overseas on a contract and we only text 1-2 X a week. He has sent me some pics of him at home and work (NO NUDES, which is seriously fine with me) and his car and dog. We have had 2 video calls before he was assigned and sent overseas.

He stated in his last message to me:

  • "we've forgotten what it feels like to not feel a constant heaviness in our hearts."
  • "I also find myself wishing to flaunt you, show you off to the world as my man. Peachy hopes, but an unreasonable reality."
  • "As harsh as reality has been, we have been harsher to each other. It's a repetitive cycle of inflicting pain over our mutual love for each other. But underneath the pain, there's a love so profound that it keeps me going."
  • "I desperately hope that I'll be back home this month and that we can finally close this chasm of distance between us."
  • "I love you, miss you. Everything will be sorted out soon. Be safe.
  • Yesterday he said: "We can’t be like this when we get together and this just all because of our biggest hindrance which is the distance. We’ll get through this soon enough and all this will be over.

My Issues:

  • He doesn't answer a lot of my questions until I pester him to answer them.
  • His contract keeps getting extended and his phone coverage is terrible - so only texting works for us.
  • I feel like he is not telling me something. I have trusted him in the past but I got this bad feeling in my heart and stomach that there is "something" he is hiding. Yesterday he said: "It’s always good to communicate our feelings because that’s what a good relationship is about. I’m not hiding anything from you and I never did babe. I would never do that because we have always been open to each other."
  • I really need a man to be physically present, trustworthy, caring, and loving. He met all those things in the past, but not so much anymore in my humble opinion.
  • I have hinted on us taking a break until he gets back, but he fights it or just ignores the subject and so I give him another chance.
  • He is supposed to be back on March 20, 2025, but I have no proof. This will be the 3rd time his assignment was renewed.

My resolution:

  • I said this to him yesterday: "I am going to wait until March 22nd, which is two days after you said you'd be home. I will communicate with you in the meantime and hopefully/prayerfully many times after. For the sake of my health I cannot keep this up with only texting. If I cannot have you in person, I am sorry to say I have to let go of you and our budding relationship. I definitely consider you the man I want to be with and spend the rest of my life with. Truly! I love you ♥️♥️ so much but THIS pain has to stop for me. (YES I KNOW YOU ARE IN PAIN TOO and SUFFERING TOO!)"
  • So do I give him until March 22nd (2 days after his planned arrival) to get back and get settled back in at his home in the USA. IF he does not get back, break up with him. I am tired of the stress this is causing me.
  • IF he does get back then stay with him and work on the relationship in person.
  • I've been scammed before and this is different with only a couple of similarities. Definitely not the same toxic communications as was with the scammer. Still, have to wonder if I am being scammed in a different way(?) No money has been sent by me either.

Question for my gay brothers with long distance relationship experience out there:

  1. Drop him? OR
  2. Give him another chance?