Gf made plans the day of my surgery

Okay Boom. My gf prefers to keep in contact with exes after the relationship ends, specifically her ex of a 5 year relationship that ended a few years ago and now they live in different states. It was a really toxic relationship but after healing apart they made platonic amends.

My gf and I have been together for 6/7 months and are in love. I expressed early on my boundary with exes, I am not friends with my exes or anyone I’ve dated in a meaningful way the way she is with this particular ex. This is my first serious relationship, I’m a pretty open, communicative person so I wanted to have a conversation about it because I saw the potential for an issue or hurt later if this was something we ignored. She said that our relationship was what’s important and their friendship was a non factor.

Fast forward to this past week. I have chronic health issues and was recently diagnosed with endometriosis just last Wednesday and was scheduled for surgery the following Tuesday. My partner has been so supportive, she went with me to the appointment and was with me every step of the journey. The day before the surgery I’m trying to mentally prepare cause everything was happening so fast and I’ve never had surgery before! I’m super scared and nervous but excited too, for less pain and all the possible relief. I made sure we had a talk about care before, where it would be - I didn’t want to just put it on her and assume she would drop everything (she still had to work but has flexibility and was wfh some days too) and take care of me so I asked her what she wanted. She wanted to take care of me and be there for me and I was happy to hear it, it’s a scary time and we were sorta taking that step together. But that night, before the surgery, she drops it on me that her ex is coming to the city and she’s gonna drop me off to the hospital with my mom and gonna go pick up her ex from the airport and have lunch with her then head to work. Instead of being with me in the hospital and then heading to work. She thought the surgery was taking place in a different city than it was since we visited the alternate doctor’s office which WAS in a different city, and that morning planned it with her ex on a call. But she went with me to that appointment and I always knew where it was gonna be and told her, I even sent her a copy of the details on the day they scheduled.

I was extremely hurt when she told me her plans because she was basically making plans with her ex while I was going to be in surgery. It felt very fucked up for her to even bring it up with the stress I was under. I knew it was going to be a lot of work and am so appreciative of the care but in that moment I felt the ground of our relationship fall out from beneath my feet, I did not feel supported. I was upset that I even had to pull the “if roles were reversed” because her and I know it would totally not be okay.

She really struggled to get how I felt, I was trying to explain how I felt and make analogies - the analogies worked. We talked it over and I was still very hurt, but I love her and we see a way forward. So, the next day is my surgery. And in the morning I saw the text she sent to her ex, canceling the plans and I was upset because she said “my girl isn’t okay with….” “Bad timing on my part” - I don’t feel like she took accountability. I wished she would’ve centered herself in that message and set the boundary instead of telling her ex that it was me. I wanted her to want to be there for me. Again, I was hurt. I mention it and she totally sees what I’m saying and says she was just trying send a message out fast and that her ex had to arrange plans. Lastly, the DAY AFTER my surgery I see texts they exchanged on the day of my surgery while I was in surgery and my gf asks her where’s she staying just to see, and her ex is lol’ing saying she thought I didn’t want them to link, her words. And my gf lol’ing back saying it wasn’t that I didn’t want them to meet but it was the timing and even sends how long it would take to get to her. This didn’t feel innocent at all

At this point I’m so fucking sick. I would never do that. I felt to hurt at the environment my girlfriend allowed. I feel disrespected, hurt, and ashamed that my girlfriend would do such a thing. With her toxic ex gf of all people? I asked her why it mattered so much to her where she was? I feel like she didn’t set platonic boundaries and created an atmosphere where our relationship was disrespected and embarrassed by her actions and words. She cared about her ex, because yes they are friends now but that isn’t what shapes their current relationship. And I see the toxicity seeping back in, into our relationship.

I think I’m justified in my feelings, this wasn’t a close friend of hers. We’ve had serious conversations about it but the hurt of not being considered or respected is in my bones. I want to move forward, she’s apologized so much and been with me for my recovery. It just sucks that this happened during/because of this stressful health time.

What can I do? Literally anything you got, I’ll read

PS I do realize this is a very stressful time for the both of us and I may especially emotional after surgery