Just found out MIL bought a place near us.

This is mostly a rant, but Tl;dr JNMIL and her husband bought a place near us (NYC - and by “near us” i mean like two subway stops) and i have no idea how we’re going to deal.

I have a 7-week-old, and MIL came for a visit for Christmas (second visit, she was here for the birth - which, to be brief, included her being upset at not being allowed in the labor & delivery room and randomly showing up at the hospital several times). She initially wanted us to fly out to them for Christmas, but we clearly said that wasn’t going to happen with our newborn. Her response was, through tears, “I can’t imagine not being with my grandson on his first Christmas!” So the compromise was that they could come to us, but couldn’t stay at our apartment. They technically stayed at a hotel, but were in our apartment for ~8 hours every day. She cooked for us each day, which sounds very helpful on the surface, but she tore up our tiny kitchen and made way too much food that we don’t really like nor have storage space for.

She and my husband have a fraught relationship - I won’t get into all the details, but she makes no real effort in any relationship . Everything is very superficial and very quantity over quality. I don’t think she could actually tell you what either of us does for a living, or some of our most basic interests, but then she does the manipulative, guilt-tripping crying schtick about not being closer to us. Needless to say, her behavior has intensified since we had a baby.

So…they bought a studio apartment. They just told us the other day, after it was already a done deal. They’re both retired and now planning on being here for 4+ weeks at a time. My husband and I were flabbergasted. Granted, they can do whatever they choose with their money, but they HATE NYC. When they’re here, they have no interest in going to the park, museums, restaurants, theater etc.

MIL clearly has an idealized picture of her relationship with her grandson, making up for the perceived shortcomings with my husband. But it’s so mentally and emotionally draining to spend time with her. When we had distance, it was manageable a few times a year.

How do we make this bearable and establish boundaries? My husband takes on the majority of the work dealing with MIL, but I want to be able to help him. I’m completely out of my element here and already don't like confrontation. Help!