The Grudge Holder

I have this part that likes to hold on to grudges. It may be the same part that holds on to anger, I’m not sure. I’m trying to figure out why I can’t let go of certain things. I have that magnet in me that attracts people who see my brokenness inside and want to play with it, manipulate it. I’m learning to spot them. It took me a little while. My ex told me that I had a problem with blame. Now, granted, he was a total narcissist who couldn’t take responsibility for anything at all. He convinced me that I had some responsibility for him bashing my head into a concrete floor. But I had a problem with blame. The thing is, maybe he hit something there (no pun intended). People are shitty sometimes. I feel though, that I should be able to let things go, and not still want to throw darts at the face of the last guy who ghosted me (not sharp darts, I don’t like blood) and that was almost six months ago. Anyhow, I feel this part wants to keep me angry for way too long, and blame other people for my misery. Yes, it was their fault at first. It comes time, however, to take responsibility of my own hurt feelings and let them go. But this part wants to blame someone else for my misery. Anyone it seems. Even the whole world sometimes. Because it has to be someone else’s fault that I’m miserable. I cannot be held responsible for my own pain. Is that it, you think? I’m trying to get answers and this part doesn’t want to speak. I cry uncontrollably when I try to get at it.