Today was my official divorce.

I have been separated from my wife for over 4 months now. We were together 16 years, married 8. No kids except our pupper that I have sole custody of now. She moved out back in December. I knew she wasn’t happy in life but I never really could help. I took her lack of happiness personally and blamed myself for too long. Now she has severed the cord and is discovering her new found freedom, and I really want to be happy for her. I hope in time I will. But tonight, the evening of our court hearing and final ruling, I’m just defeated.

My wife and I met when she was 20 and I was 24. We were both working a restaurant job and we started dating shortly after we met. After a few years we decided to move back to her home town and eventually Chicago. We didn’t have any really prospects and made it up as we went. We married after living in the city for 4 years and I thought things couldn’t get better.

Just a year into our marriage I discover that she was seeing a coworker from her new job outside of work. I caught them walking home from our neighborhood bar and confronted her. She denied that anything was happening and assured me they were just friends. A couple weeks later I come to find out that she has feelings for this guy and doesn’t know if she wants to be with me. She insisted nothing physical had happened between them but I always had my doubts.

After a few weeks separated she decides that she wants to make it work between us and we start couples therapy. After 6 months or so of group sessions and then another 4 months of solo therapy I feel like we are in a better place. But as time went on, I could feel her lack of interest in me growing. That coupled with the fact that I never could fully trust her again, led us to grow apart and finally, separate. Regardless, I always wanted to make it work.

After she brought up separation back in October, I asked if she would consider therapy again but it was a hard no. I knew it was over then, and here we are now. I have recently moved my elderly father in with me to help take care of him and I still have my great dog for company and retain sole ownership of my condo. I recently started a 90’s-00’s cover band with some new friends and have been rediscovering myself in my music. Things could be worse!

I’ve been following this sub for the last couple months and have found solidarity in the struggle all of us divorcees are going through. I find so many eerie parallels in the stories and discussions. I just wanted to thank all of you that have shared your journeys. It has been so difficult but so reassuring that things will get better.