I feel sorrow for being sucha bad Christian

I used to do everything like in the scripture, make it my best effort but now i don't even have the strenght to get up from my bed, i feel intense sorrow even after confessing, i feel condemned and i feel like no good Christian, i would understand Christ 's dissapointmentn in me, i know he does not have any expectations towards us, but i held on without sinning for the longest this entire year, but still failed just as i was finally at peace, free from my ptsd attacks and sleeping peacefully first time in years, now i keep feeling haunted by my own actions, i hate myself.