Anyone else loose sight of the “bigger picture” in disputes?

I’ve noticed a pattern in myself where sometimes I get hyper-focused on the details of a conflict or situation—especially when I feel misunderstood or misrepresented. It’s like I have to prove my perspective, almost as if my life depends on it.

I’ve come to realize that this is most definitely a trauma response, stemming from years of invalidation and gaslighting. When you’ve had your reality denied so many times since being as young as one can remember, proving you’re right can feel like a matter of survival.

For example, at work today, I had an issue where I reached out to a colleague in a different department for assistance on resolving an issue with a client account, only for them to keep insisting that a certain update I’d need to complete hadn’t been processed correctly, despite me knowing that everything was done properly. I checked with a teammate in case I was wrong, and they agreed with my perspective. Then, I spent way too much time drafting an email with screenshots and a detailed explanation to prove my point—only to realize that I could just reach out to someone else to fix the issue instead. Even after resolving it through someone else, I still felt this urge to send the email just to prove I was right.

When I reviewed the email, I made sure that it was written very respectfully, keeping it warm but firm. But then I started second-guessing myself, worrying that this person might take it the wrong way, get mad, frustrated, and decide to never to help me on any other matters in the future. That’s when I realized—it’s better to not send anything. Instead, I just accepted that this person isn’t the most reliable for these kinds of issues and moved on. I felt a sense of relief in letting it go, realizing that my peace matters more than proving a point. Why risk unnecessary conflict and make my job harder just to be right? The issue was already resolved, all that would happen by me sending this email would be to “educate” the other party. That’s not my job. Choosing peace is not avoidance, it’s strategy.

Does anyone else struggle with this? How do you catch yourself in the moment and shift your focus back to the bigger picture?

P.S. it doesn’t help that I work in a role that requires a lot of problem-solving and analysis, especially on legal matters. I’ve been told by several people throughout my life that I should’ve become a lawyer. Now I don’t know if that’s a virtue or a flaw. If they meant it as a compliment or an insult. Feels like a bit of both.