arranged marriage

i haven’t seen too many posts on this so i’m just gonna ask myself ; does anyone have parents that had an arranged marriage? i’m south asian, and i know that practice is still kinda common to this day, which sucks. my parents never loved each other, and my dad was extremely traumatized as a kid, resulting in him being a piece of shit most of my childhood. i don’t know why they stayed together and they’re STILL together. divorce is frowned upon in the culture and they were always worried that it would effect us , when in reality, them divorcing probably would’ve been the best for both me and my brother. they’ve been married for almost 30 years now … we stopped counting the anniversaries at this point so i don’t really know. in turn of my dads emotional and physical abuse towards my mom, she was effected and never bothered to heal herself, projecting all of their trauma into their parenting. she was always scared of losing us to American culture and of us committing sins (she’s pretty religious). shes emotionally very unregulated and abused us, both emotionally and physically. my dad was manipulative and abusive as well. i grew up with all of it, as well as my older brother. i dated someone who was 11 years older than me and it was the most toxic relationship of my life. once that was over, that’s when i realized i had childhood trauma. i didn’t know i went thru it and i always thought my internal mess was just how i was born. realizing i had childhood trauma, i can recognize my family’s own trauma. it hurts! my brother and i used to be super close growing up, and even though my parents abused us, i still leaned on them. all of that shattered. my brother moved out, so im still living at home by myself with my parents. i’m the only one in therapy, so now ive realized how toxic my entire family is, my brother included. none of them can see what i see, what i have learned about how our past effected us. the lack of care, support, and love hurts me so much. i’ve never been seen, heard, or supported. just blamed for everything. i’m the youngest in the family and this shit fucking hurts. i’m 23 now but i realized this two years ago. 21 years of what i thought was family, is not. i have no real friends, my cat is on a ton of meds because she’s been sick for the past month and ive been feeding her thru a tube. and they still choose to be their messy ass selves. i’m so done with all of them.

not having a family anymore but still living with them is so painful.

sorry this is a long ass post. i have no one im comfortable and vulnerable around so here i am, internet.