So many ups and downs. Many of you can relate.

I truly want to thank everybody that has replied to my posts about being super tired and frustrated during this first month of my CPAP journey. I wanted to share something about the goods along with the bad, in hopes it could help other struggling new CPAP users feel more hopeful.

TLDR: Lots of ups and downs, and some of the downs have been terrible. People here have been super helpful. I am making progress, and am very hopeful that I will end up feeling better.

Titration Study: They used a nasal mask. Which worked well enough to get through 4.5 hours of the study, but having to keep my mouth closed freaked me out. After waking to go to the bathroom, I wanted to do my usual breathing exercises that I use to relax, but they involve breathing through the mouth, which doesn't work well. There was no going back to sleep after that, but they had enough data, thankfully.

I knew nasal mask was a nonstarter anyway. In the sleep lab with zero allergens, it was possible. In real life, where I sometimes breath through my mouth at least partially because my nasal/sinus passages are rarely entirely clear, no way was that going to work.

Day 1: I went home with my new machine and the ResMed F40 mask. Trying it out just sitting and reading (or doing crochet? both?), I was delighted. It was more comfortable than I ever expected. Better yet, I could immediately breath better even awake. It was so easy to take full breaths. It surprised me that it backed off on the pressure while I exhaled (EPR). I hadn't expected that. I was so relaxed I stopped what I was doing, closed my eyes and enjoyed being sleepy (not so much tired, just sleepy.) I felt like I wanted to wear it all the time.

Night 1: I slept fitfully. Even though the machine said my mask seal was great, I woke up multiple times hearing/feeling leakage around my eyes and/or feeling like one of my nostrils was blocked off. Even so, when I woke up in the morning, it was atypically easy to breath even after taking the mask off. Most often on first waking up, it used to take lot of effort to pull in the first full breaths before I could easily take normal breaths.

Day 2: My fatigue was about the same as usual, even after the fitful sleep, so again, a hopeful sign. I did some daytime practice with the mask again, and fell asleep with it on, I again found it so relaxing.

Night 2: Same fitful sleeping, but with a bit more discomfort as I continued to adjust the mask more tightly. I woke up at 3:00 (a.m.) and wasn't going to get back to sleep.

Day 3: Ordered a feather pillow as it was clear the pillow I had was never going to work with a mask. Infinite adjustability should help (and as long as feathers are properly cleaned, no worries about allergies.) Tried on the mask sitting up again, but it wasn't so relaxing this time (or going forward) I was really tired, but got in an afternoon nap, so didn't feel so bad.

Next 10 days or so: I was more tired that before CPAP every day. The new pillow did help a lot, but I still woke up during the night sometimes hearing leaks or feeling like nostrils were covered. Most sleep nights were short. A couple times I was able to nap and felt better afterwards. A couple times I made sure not to nap, hoping to sleep through the night. Several times I tried to nap with no luck. I used the mask at least part of the night every night but one. Most days were hopeful even if tired. But as it went on, more days involved major irritability and tears of frustration. It was hard to think about how to solve the issues because it was hard to think at all.

I had one extremely frustrating day in this way: I woke after a nearly full night's sleep with the mask still on, and was pretty stoked about that. Until I realized the air wasn't actually running. It evidently stopped running during the night due to leaking, and auto-start didn't work. I was extremely that day even though I had a good 7 hours' sleep. I called the med supply place, wanting to ask about auto-start not doing the job (apparently that's common) and needing to try a new mask. They said I had to come in for to get fitted, which sucked as it's almost a 30 minute drive, and sitting in cars is painful for me. I don't drive that far ever (and was absolutely unable to drive because of brain fog at that point anyway), so it was going to cost me money to hire a car in addition to the pain. But it had to be done (as far as I knew, anyway.)

The night after I made that call to the med supply was the one I didn't use the mask at all, and I did feel human the next day if still pretty tired.

Couple Days Later: I came home with the Airfit F20 mask. It felt more solid which made me feel good about the chances of getting a decent seal, and for sure no part of it could cover up a nostril. A very hopeful day. And a hopeful night. Sleep wasn't great but I felt good about the chance of of getting a better seal.

About 3 weeks in: After several days with less than 4 hours sleep, I was pretty much a monster. I yelled at my dad so bad, my partner of 10 years said he never heard me yell like that before. I was in tears most of the day after that. (I did call Dad and apologize to him the next morning, which helped some.) Also, I somehow managed to get the tube all stretched out, looking like it would break any minute. I called the supply place and again, just for the tube, they said I had to come it. I tried on another 2 masks while I was there, but they both seemed worse than the F20 I had. So I figured keep trying.

A few days later: I was so worn down I couldn't function at all. Crochet, which I love, and I wasn't trying to do anything hard, was a huge effort and I got no pleasure from it. Which in itself was frustrating so, I didn't even try most of the day. I was miserable in so many ways, crankier than ever, and unable to nap with or without the mask. I was a millimeter away from giving up. People on this subreddit encouraged me. I slept one full night without the mask, and felt a lot better the next day. Did a couple things (like badly-needed laundry I couldn't manage for too long) and still felt OK. By the end of the day I was ready to try again.

The last few days: Three (maybe four?) nights in a row I slept more than 6 hours with virtually no mask leak and AHI less than 2. Last 2 days I feel about the same as the average day in the months before CPAP. That makes me very hopeful.

I've used SD card + OSCAR to gain some insight (thanks to people here) and have ideas of things that could help me more moving forward, if I need to make additional changes. I'm wearing a cap under my mask to be more comfortable (thanks to suggestions here.) And I'm lifted up by the information that many people don't feel better right away, but after a period of months, it's life changing.

Oh yes, and I did try one other mask that was a nonstarter (DreamWear full face.) I'm glad I tried it, because I do now feel like I have the best mask for me. Also noteworthy -- through all of this I have found it easy to breath on first waking up (except for 1 of the 2 nights I didn't use the mask at all.)

I have high hopes that my sleep will become gradually more restful as I get fully used to the mask. And I have a couple things in my back pocket to try if what I'm doing now isn't helpful enough.