I can't take the pain anymore

Today I just couldn't take it anymore and ended it. I deleted him everywhere and I know he won't reach out. He has quite a few things to pick up from my place but luckily I don't have to see him when he does. I'm so hurt. I can't comprehend how you can say you love someone and do things that you know hurt them again and again and call the person toxic when they react. Last night I expressed something that's been bothering me, and it's not even something new, but something he was supposed to be working on for the past 2 years and never did, and today he did it again, it felt like a slap on the face, like "I don't care how you feel about this, I'll still do my thing". I snapped, and I regret insulting him but I couldn't handle the pain anymore. To him it may not seem like a big deal but it's something that hurts me and I feel like he did it on purpose. I really love him and wished it could work out but I don't feel like he loves me nor cares about me and I'm tired. Every time I expressed something it became an argument to him, we didn't talk about anything serious like future plans or anything deep about us that the relationship felt so empty. I was looking for something deeper than what he could offer me. There was never a good time to talk because he was saying I'm disturbing his peace during his time off. I've started acted so toxic that I don't recognize myself anymore, I've been crying so much during this relationship because I just didn't feel loved and every time I expressed this he just changed the topic. I keep telling myself "He didn't love you, he didn't care about you" because I honestly feel like he didn't and I loved him a lot and still do but he keeps hurting me. "If you're not happy, then break up with me". I got into this relationship with high hopes and excitement and was met with an avoidant and cold person who killed all the joy in me. I admit I became toxic as I insulted him a few times, including today. I've called him a pervert and a porn addict because he was following lots of random half naked girls until I pointed it out but he still has some inappropriate photos on his gaming socials which bother me and he refuses to give up on. I felt like I was having a boyfriend for the sake of it but wasn't getting the emotional support and the care I was needing and that killed me inside. He was never asking me throughout the week how I am, if I'm feeling ok, instead he could go days without hearing from me. We only met on the weekends at my place but once he left I didn't exist anymore. That's how 2 years have gone by and I'm tired. And every time I felt alone and wanted to talk to him he didn't want to be bothered. Did he really love me? I don't think he did and I think I deserve better. I don't know how long it'll take me to move on from him as I was so attached to him and I just can't imagine myself liking anyone else, but I just want to be ok. I want to feel normal again and be able to go to bed without crying my eyes out and wake up with puffy eyes almost every morning.