A Year Later, and I Still Regret Losing Her

It’s been over a year, yet I still find myself replaying all the mistakes I made in that relationship. It feels like I had everything I ever wanted, like God placed it in my hands, and somehow, I still messed it up. If only I hadn’t made those mistakes, maybe she’d still be with me.

I even feel like I ruined her perception of love. She’s still single, just waiting for an arranged marriage someday. We’ve talked maybe 5 or 6 times since the breakup, and because we go to the same college, I still know what’s going on in her life. Sometimes, we end up on the same train, sitting in silence.

Then there’s that voice in my head—the one that tells me I’m a bad person, that I did this to her. I can count at least 10 things I shouldn’t have done, things I wish I could take back.

Lately, I’ve been reading a lot about relationships on Reddit, even giving advice based on my own mistakes—hoping maybe I can help someone else avoid what I went through. Sometimes, I see posts from girls venting about their partners, and it’s like my ex is talking about me.

I didn’t cheat—I could never live with that guilt—but I made enough mistakes that, by the time I was ready to fix things, it was already too late. She told me she had reached her limit, that she had fallen out of love because of everything I had done. That hurt more than anything.

It’s been over a year, and we’re both still single. Guys try to hit on her, but she doesn’t seem interested. And I can’t shake the feeling that it’s because of me, because of what I did.

It’s not like she was perfect either—she made mistakes too, though she’d never admit them. But at the end of the day, none of that matters. She was mine. And I lost her.