please acknowledge me

I don't have anyone I can go to for this. I'm in a spiral and I can't get out. I can't go to any of my friends because I'm convinced that they all hate me/are going to start hating me because the only time I reach out is when I'm having a hard time (I know kinda that this isn't true but I'm having a major spiral right now so it's completely clouding all logic).

I'm doing everything I can. It's all so hard. I do all the right steps I exercise I put time into hobbies I distract myself when the thoughts get too much but it's still not enough. It's never enough. Everything hurts so much I don't know how to make it stop all I want is to make it stop.

The only thing that ever helps is reaching out to friends and having them comfort me but I'm so sick of being a burden. I can't keep being like this. I feel like everyone's gonna leave me. I don't want them to leave me. I feel so alone.

I wish God would send me an angel. I'm not strong enough to fight all of this by myself.

I barely feel real anymore. Does anyone even notice when I'm gone? Does my presence carry any weight at all?

Update: I didn't expect to read so many kind words today when I checked this post again. I almost feel embarrassed now since I wrote this post when I was in a state of mind I can only really describe as a whirlwind and I'm now able to at least think a bit clearer. Thank you all for your supportive messages. I hope we all make it out.