A friend [29M] has made a serious accusation against my [27M] girlfriend [26F]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Powerful_Profession

A friend [29M] has made a serious accusation against my [27M] girlfriend [26F]

TRIGGER WARNING: obsessive behavior

MOOD SPOILER: Batshit insanity

Original Post - rareddit Apr 27, 2019

I don't know what to think. The situation is that a buddy I've known for a few years who is dating another friend of mine has informed me that my girlfriend that I've known for 8 months is lying about her occupation. He is an EMT and she claims to be a nurse at a certain hospital in our city. EMT buddy swears up and down there is no way she works there.

This is really shocking to me. She's in scrubs all of the time, I've picked her up from the hospital she claims to work at, she has medical books all over her apartment etcetera.

EMT buddy and my girlfriend have only met once on a double date with my other friend. They did talk shop a little bit and he's basing this accusation on that one conversation. He told me he would bet money she had never stepped foot on the ward she claims to work in. For reference, she says she's a psych nurse at this prestigious hospital and EMT buddy asked her which unit she worked on. Apparently there are two at this hospital, the "East" and "West" unit. He tested her by asking "do you work on "North" or "south" and she said, "north" and that she referred to patients being violent as a "code grey" and that is not the terminology used at that hospital. There were more small, technical details he claimed she got wrong like their nurse's stations being open and not enclosed spaces. Things like that.

On one hand, why would she lie about being a nurse? But also what does he gain from lying about her lying about being a nurse? I don't know jack about the medical profession, to be frank. This whole thing makes me feel crazy.

How do I even bring this up?

TLDR EMT friend has called out my girlfriend as pretending to be a nurse.

RELEVANT COMMENTS

degeneratescholar

You can easily look up her license status by googling Nursing license verification in your state, then simply enter her name. It will tell you what kind of license she has and how long she's been licensed in your state. If she doesn't hold a license, you have a starting point for conversation. Many people who work in healthcare facilities wear scrubs - it doesn't mean they have any direct care responsibilities. Also, she would be required to have a photo ID with her credentials listed on it. You can settle the question by asking to see her name badge.

notthatplatypus

This is exactly it. I’m literally looking up my nursing professors now, and I can find all of their licenses.

Also, how has she said that she’s gotten her nursing degree? Did she do a bachelor’s program or an associate’s? Like, you should be able to ask to ‘see’ her degree, and she should have a copy.

You could also ask to see her graduation pin! Nurses go through a pinning ceremony at the end of their time in school, and most people keep their pins.

I think she’s lying to you because she sees “prestige” in being a nurse. Nurses are considered the most trusted professionals in the US. you’ve definitely seen those sappy bumper stickers and memes about how nurses are angels. We all have.

She will 100% try to tell you that that phone call today led to you not finding her because of privacy regulations(she may even say it’s “because of HIPAA”). Ask to see her badge. Ask for her license number. If she tries to claim that she doesn’t have these things, she’s making excuses. Your badge literally taps you in to different hospital wings and elevators, and some places even let you use yours to tap into the charting system.

OOP

She told me she has a BSN. I can't find that she's licensed in our state.

notthatplatypus

Edit to add more, because I can't seem to shut up today: I looked up some of my classmates on the state registry who are working as CNA's or MA's, and their license info isn't showing up. I wouldn't doubt that if you've picked her up from work and she DOES ACTUALLY WORK THERE, she's a tech or something, and was lying to seem prestigious.

OOP

Ooh, she talks so much shit about techs. I think she'd rather die than cop to being a tech.

notthatplatypus

What kind of medical books does she have in her house? Like, Gray's Anatomy, or like, "Honan Focus on Adult Health: Medical-Surgical Nursing 2nd Edition"? Are they books to make her look fancy, or books she may have used in school? "Medical Books" is pretty generic.

OOP

Well she has a bunch of them. I know she has a DSM and Physician's Desk reference. I reckon she reads them a lot because those are always on the coffee table. She has a whole book shelf full of books about diseases and medications.

~

skittlesNwhiskey289

Call when she's supposed to be working and ask for her. If she works there, shell answer and you can bring her food or coffee or something. If she doesn't theres a communication error in your relationship that need to be addressed. I wouldnt 100% be positive on your friends knowledge due to the differences in their roles/jobs.

OOP

She's supposed to be working right now until 7. I'm going to call. Thanks.

skittlesNwhiskey289

Be prepared to buy her that coffee if shes working lol wishing yall the best Ps:we want an update

OOP

Well, I called up there and at first they thought I was asking about a patient and said they couldn't talk about them without their code and I said no she works there and the woman I spoke with said no one with that name works there. I asked about the other unit and she told me she knows everyone who works in psych. I thought maybe she goes by a different name, so I started to describe her and the lady got upset and told me she had to go. I guess she thought I was fucking with her. I don't know what to think.

Wanderinground

Damn.. that's going to be a hard conversation. Be prepared to get backlash and redirection, stick to the point, she's lying and for what reason. It sounds like the end of a relationship. Can you imagine what would have happened if there was a genuine medical emergency, a very scary thought.

OOP

I don't understand why someone would go through so much effort to lie about being a nurse, if she is lying about it. I'm going to hold off on any judgment until I talk to her in person

OOP Update the original post next day/Apr 28, 2019

UPDATE: Well this chick is batshit insane. Mystery solved. She doesn't work at the nice hospital, she works at a not so nice hospital and not as a nurse but as a phlebotomy technician or whatever the fuck. She failed out of nursing school and is seriously obsessed. She said she got a TBI her third year into her bachelors program and was unable to finish. I may have forgiven all of that but it's clear she has a tenuous, at BEST, grasp on reality and went on a bizarre rant about how she could be a doctor, how she saves lives, she's a genius; she knows more than anyone in the world when it comes to the medical field, she claimed she could perform surgery on people, that she had healing powers, that she's the greatest person in the world, just on and on... seriously unhinged type shit. I had to tap out because she was really scaring me.

I've never been in such close proximity to someone having a mental breakdown. I wasnt supposed to see her until yesterday and I ambushed her at her apartment. Finally I just had to leave. I feel bad about confronting her. I probably shouldn't have left her alone at all after that.

AITA for contacting my ex girlfriend's estranged relatives to handle her? May 3, 2019

This is a really long story that I must condense for character limit. I hope the sense of it all is intact.

My ex girlfriend deceived me for our entire relationship. She told me she was a very important charge nurse with a BSN and worked at a prestigious hospital in our area. Here in reality she is not a nurse at all but a phlebotomy technician and not at a prestigious hospital either.

She had a total breakdown when I confronted her about all of this and ended up getting put on an involuntary psych hold. I do not know how she did it, but she got herself released after only 2 days and is completely off the rails. She broke into my house. I came home from work the other day and she was in my shower. Not taking a shower, just chilling in there with my cat. It really fucking freaked me out. She ran off before the cops came. They couldn't find her.

She moved here a few months before we started dating and I didn't know any of her family. After she broke into my house, I did some internet sleuthing and tracked down her parents and older brother. I was able to make contact with her mom because they have a landline with a listed number. I told her the situation. I gave her all of the information I knew about my ex. Her mom thanked me very much. Apparently my ex went ghost on her family about a year ago. Her mom told me they would take care of it and just wanted her to come back home.

Her brother called me very frantic shortly after I got off the phone with their mom and I talked to him for awhile. He said he was flying out first thing to hunt my ex down. That was yesterday. I was satisfied and relieved with the response.

I spoke to some friends today about it and they think I did too much and shouldn't have involved her family because I don't know the dynamic. They could be abusive and got ghosted for good reason my good friend said. Honestly, I didn't think about that at the time and now I feel shitty.

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

Quidamtyra

Is your cat okay? I don't want to freak you out anymore than you already are, but you might consider a visit to the vet to make sure she didn't poison your cat, or harm it in any other way.

OOP

Thank you for your concern. He seems fine. My ex always loved him and I never thought she was capable of hurting an animal, but then I never thought she'd lie to me for 8 months or break into my house... so yeah, I'll take him to the vet. Good looking out

~

Sam4891

The odds are her family knows best how to help her, and it’s in her best interest they know. You have no knowledge of any abuse so while it’s possible it’s not on you. You made the best call you could with the information you had for both her and your safety.

OOP

Her mom and brother seemed like decent people on the phone but on the other hand, no one ghosts their entire family for a year for no reason. They said she ran off right at the beginning of '18 and no one had heard from her since.

~

perpetualwindowpane

NTA

It sounds like this girl needs far more help than you can give her. Based on your verbiage, you found out from the mother that she’s been estranged from her family for a year; it’s not your responsibility to take strange hypothetical things into account, before considering your own safety.

If someone broke into my house and was handling my animals, I’d do whatever I could to ensure it wouldn’t happen again.

OOP

My friends told me I should have let the police handle it as that's their job. They think by doing what I did I made the situation worse if she turns out to not be on good terms her own family. Not just for her, but they are worried she could retaliate against me for doing that.

OOP On how she broke in

Well I live in a pretty good area. I don't use the deadbolt. Either she had a key to my place that I didn't know about or she picked the lock somehow.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7