Just a happy thing I wanted to share

I've been feeling absolute crappy the past week or two, despite nothing bad happening. In fact I just got officially diagnosed with autism! So this is sort of a rant about something that made me very very happy yesterday and still today.

But anyways yesterday I was out walking the neighbors dog we dogsit often. It was dark out as it was late and I love being out in the dark (well, being surrounded by darkness not necessarily in it). And I am listening to my "favourites" playlist on spotify.

I love some disney songs so a lot of disney and misc musical songs on there. Tangled is my alltime favourite special interest. No one knows this really. I may have mentioned it to my therapist once, and sometime on here. It's like my nice lil secret. I am ashamed of it, worried of being judged by others. Cause why am I an almost 23 year old woman sqeualing at watching a childrens movie/series...😅

Anyways, I have some of the tangled songs in my fav mix. But not my absolute favourites. Those I kinda save for "special" times and mostly only listen to when I rewatch the movie/series. But the other day I thought, why not add my absolute favorite song?? Because I felt I needed that in there to cheer me up.

So I did and I completely forgot about it. Until I was out walking and it played. Now I kinda feel crazy for my reaction but I still wanna share because I felt SOSOS happy.

I like stopped in my tracks. I was like "Omg?! this song?! Now?! I can't skip it!" but it also didn't feel fully right not to also watch the movie while it played. But I let the song play. I had to stop myself from jumping up and down from joy. I actually just kinda froze with a HUGE grin on my face. I felt so so so so so excited. I cannot express the pure joy this song especially give me. I turned the volume up way too loud. I kinda wanted to cry (in a good way) and I couldn't tell where to focus my eyes. Nowhere felt right to have my eyes on lol?? Like I was so used to seeing the movie at the same time and to now suddenly see the dark countryside was...weird.

It felt not quite right yet SO WONDERFUL!!!Maybe weird but after school today I am SOSOSOOSOS excited to rewatch the tangled movie in my room, alone, and able to jump and dance and do weird gestures all I want. I seriously cannot express how happy this song especially makes me.

It's like I'm panicking, but in a good way?? I NEED to jump. Or dance. Or squeal. Flap my hands. It makes me so so so happy I feel it in my core. I have not shared this part of me with anyone. But yesterday was such a nice lil surprise in a way that I just still have that feeling inside me. my words cannot express the absolute sincere joy I feel listening to it. I like started shaking when the song came on yesterday. I listened to it twice. I couldn't listen to it thrice because I still felt a LIIIITTLE anxious about not listening to the song in the "right" way. So I may remove it from that playlist.

I also have a tangled playlist with every song (excluding like one or two I don't really like) and my fav is included there. But that playlist I only listen to really on my computer. It's like it has to be the right time and place. And I love it!!!!