Dealing with unintentional Rape.

I am a white straight M(36). In high-school I slept with a woman who is was very interested in. She was a virgin, and started crying halfway through. Of course I stopped and asked if she was okay, she told me it just hurt, so I was gentle.

The next day at school, our staff police officer pulled me out of class. She had reported it as rape. I got taken out of high-school in handcuffs and the whole nine yards.

Long story short... all charges got tossed for lack of evidence. I wanted to plead guilty, because I must have read the situation so wrong... I hurt someone I really cared about. However, as a minor I couldn't without my lawyer/parents approval. My parents had to file a lawsuit against the school to stop me from being expelled. I was know as "the rapist" for my senior year. At 18, my parents kicked me out and we didn't speak for over a decade.

20 years later this still destroys me. I am terrified to touch a woman. I have full blown panic attacks when a woman touches me. This has sabotaged almost every relationship I have ever had. I honestly feel like I don't deserve happiness or love because I am a rapist and a monster.

Is there any redemption?