AITA for telling girlfriend i was going to end the relationship if she didn’t go to the hospital?

tw// descriptions of vomit and mentions of eating disorders

my girlfriend (25F) has been throwing up brown, coffee ground like fluid for the last three days. i (22F) noticed the brown color of her vomit (because she literally puked on our bed when i was in it) and chalked it up to something she ate. it’s also very common for her to vomit from anxiety, and she’s been very anxious lately, so i really didn’t think much of it. until two days ago when she revealed to me she hasn’t eaten anything in two days, she’s only been drinking water, and she also started to notice blood in her vomit.

now this immediately concerned me because i know this is NOT normal. i’ve struggled with an eating disorder that involves purging for about 5-6 years and not once i have ever thrown up blood nor has my puke been the color of something i didn’t eat.

i told her she needs to go to the doctor or the ER and she began refusing. i texted my mom who went to nursing school to make sure i wasn’t overreacting and my mom told me i needed to take her to the ER. in addition i also texted my ICU nurse friend and she said the same thing.

so i told my girlfriend i was either going to call 911 or i would drive her there myself, those were her two options. she wouldn’t let me take her, so i called the paramedics.

when they got to our house, she refused to go and the paramedics told me there was nothing they could do.

now, my girlfriend has trauma from hospitals due to her mother having been in the ICU for months. i totally understand trauma, i’m not trying to downplay her experience or anything, its just as an adult i’m very aware that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do for the sake of yourself or your loved ones. especially if your life could be at risk.

i bawled my eyes out for at least an hour after the paramedics left and she just kinda watched me and asked “what’s wrong?” and i was genuinely dumbfounded. i’ve been in therapy long enough to know somebody doesn’t know how you feel unless you expressly tell them, and yet at the same time, i also felt like it was kinda obvious why i was crying. i mean i did just call an ambulance and she refused, putting her life at risk. i expressed myself and she had nothing to say.

i called my friend later and explained the situation to her, she basically told me that i have to remember that i can’t control people’s behavior, and i need to take care of myself in this moment, but maybe try to express myself one last time.

so i told my girlfriend, you can either go to the hospital or i want you to sleep on the couch tonight because i genuinely just need space if you’re not going to take care of yourself. she chose the couch.

the next day (yesterday), i felt eerily calm. i had begun to process that my needs in this relationship were not currently being met, and i couldn’t be with somebody who wasn’t going to take care of themselves due to the toll this was taking on my mental health. i can’t be the one who cares more about somebody’s wellbeing than they do.

so i told her this, and basically said you can either go to the doctor today or we’re done. now i wasn’t saying this to be manipulative or get my way, i simply had to set some boundaries for my own mental health. i had fully accepted by this point that the relationship might end, and i had to be okay with that, because for the first time in my life, i have begun to respect myself and become aware of what i can and cannot handle in relationships, and this is one of those things i cannot handle.

she agreed to go to the doctor (finally), so i drove her to urgent care immediately.

when she came back to the car she told me she had to go to the ER because the doctor thinks she has pancreatitis, so i took her to the ER.

we waited for 5 hours before she finally got a room, but i could tell she was definitely irritated with me the whole time.

today she texted me and said she has gallstones. i asked if i could visit her today and she said no, which is fine, whatever, but i’m just basically wondering, am i the asshole in this situation?