Can the parent child dynamic change? Really?

Will I ever not feel like I'm the parent? Or is the damage done? The recent post about blindness to consequences was super accurate and insightful. It got me thinking about a lot of things and feeling pretty hopeless though.

We recently got to the point that I told my dx medicated husband I'm considering divorce. We are starting therapy and are working with a therapist with adhd experience specifically.

We have young kids. I don't WANT to blow up our life and get a divorce. I want to just be happy as is. But I cannot manage the resentment and feeling like the only adult in the house and him still wanting a romantic relationship. I basically have reached the breaking point.

He has made major changes and is committed to therapy. He wants to do everything to save this. And a big part of me does too. But there is part of me that just can't imagine this relationship with me being something besides a parent role.

I know Therapy is only just starting, but I've read The ADHD Effect on Mareiage book and everything else ive read details the approach to fixing this is the adhd partner getting treatment and the non adhd spouse hand holding until they make the changes. How will that ever not feel like parenting? I am literally using the same tactics with my preschooler.

I know i need to heal from all of the resentment that has built up. I wish I was still at the "I'm empathetic and want to hold your hand thru these skills that will help improve our life" but that train left the station a LONG time ago.

Anyone have any inspiring stories where you've worked through this and come out the other side of this parent child dynamic? Seems impossible right now. But maybe it just takes time? Part of me wants to be told that it's not possible to fix to assuage my guilt of wanting to split my family up for this. It feels selfish when he isnt a bad guy and he is a good dad.